feelin’ good (a new day)…not!
April 18, 2006 by johnwar8
last saturday, i heard nina simone’s version of the song, "feelin’ good (a new day)." i was so moved by the song that i promised myself to live everyday like a new day, and so i made a plan. first on my list was to feel good about myself, and to achieve this, i figured i seriously need to lose weight. so far, i have been religiously going to the gym and playing badminton. at first, these physical activities were daunting tasks for me, but they have slowly crept into my system that i actually look forward to doing them. never mind that i almost always roll–figuratively and sometimes literally–in the gym. never mind that my friends and i play "larong kalye" and probably look clumsy on the badminton court compared to the "trained" players whom we desperately try to imitate or sometimes secretly compete. hell! doing these give me a natural high and a sense of control over some seemingly uncontrollable urges to binge. second on my list was to change my mind set. i told myself that if i truly wanted happiness i must get rid of unnecessary negative vibes in my system. it was a hard decision to make as i was not born to be a saint (although should i ever be one, i would definitely be st. warly, virgin and martyr, patron saint of the broken hearted) and sometimes making jokes at other people’s expense is just a very convenient pastime to forget one’s inadequacies. i weighed the things i have to give up and gain and resolved that if i want to change i have do it all the way. and so i said, "monday will see a new ME."
sunday. i was ecstatic. i couldn’t wait for monday to arrive. i couldn’t wait to see how a better inner self radiate a positive vibe. i imagined myself going to the gym, doing the best exercise ever. i imagined a calmer, soft-spoken ME. i have such a natural knack for it that my imagination almost ran away from me.
oh well. monday came and i just can’t help seeing the humor of it all. i did what i intended to do–have a good exercise. but lo and behold! halfway through my program, i felt cold. "electric fan," i thought. but when i got dizzy and felt the whole room spinning, i knew it wasn’t because of the electric fan. i stopped. and my plan to live everyday like a new day did too. sometimes i can’t help feeling that fate has a wicked sense of humor.
